Count Down to Baby P- Weeks 29 & 30

I have been absent for awhile. It's hard to write anything and not be incredibly sad and overwhelmed by what is going on in our lives. I have two other blog posts that I am not ready to share, because I am having a hard time finishing them. One is about Kaytie's bachlorette weekend plus a few weeks and the other is about trying to figure all of this out. I will have to take some time to work those out just like I want them. There is a story to tell, a life path that was altered, and you can't just type that out without thinking it all through and crying in this case.

I currently feel great conflict in my life. I have this wonderfully happy thing fixing to happen in our family. Anna is on her way! We are on the downward slope and I don't want to forget all of the little things that go on with that. Then I have this great sorrow. I sadness so deep, that it's hard keep my head up and moving forward. On any given day I can experience both of these emotions at the same time or at completely opposite times in the day. It's exhausting.

I am going to blog about my pregnancy first, then I will have a section about Kaytie and how she would have been involved or what I am currently missing about her. We will see how this goes for now and I am sure it will change forms over the next 8 weeks.

Week 29- UCO Endeavor Games week...

I am not sure if many of you know what I do or really understand it. I am the Olympic/Paralympic Training Site Manager and all things Olympic/Paralympic at UCO fall within my department. One of these things is the UCO Endeavor Games for athletes with physical disabilities. 2014 will mark my 6th year to coordinate the Games. Leading up to the Games was a mess. Trying to pull off one of the nation's largest multi-sport, multi-disability sporting events after missing 3 weeks of work and dealing with a mountain of personal issues with everything else going on was next to impossible. But I made it to Endeavor week and once the week started you are just set on autopilot and go. Did I mention that this just happened to be the largest Endeavor Games in history? What the heck? Oh and we had a completely new registration system and added back the rather large sport of swimming? And I thought it was a good idea to re-work the schedule? Hmm..I wasn't really considering being pregnant while doing all of this! Side note: I don't do this by myself. I have an amazing team of people who help pull this off each year. I am just writing from my perspective! :)

Anyways, the Games themselves went just fine. We had a great year with hiccups along the way, but we will work those out. Now the big difference was Hello! I am pregnant! I found this little fact annoying. My ankles would swell like crazy because I was on my feet all day, I couldn't move anything around, I moved SLOW, and at night my legs would cramp up so bad I couldn't walk and TJ would have to rub them until they loosened up. So sleep was minimal. Awesome. Go Team! Also, I couldn't quite tell if people realized I was pregnant or just thought I had really let myself go. Ha! Oh well.

One really funny thing did happen the Monday of Endeavor Games though. I was having horrible dreams that Sunday night into Monday morning. I would wake up screaming and crying etc. TJ ended up being up most of the night checking on me so he just went to the living room and watched TV until I needed him. So that's not funny. Now about 2 am our sweet first born- Elizabeth Taylor thought it would be a good idea to go play in the rain. When she came in out of the rain she brought with her a present for TJ. A mole!! Elizabeth likes to bring us her treasures, she is always so proud and typically they are dead... Not this one! She drops it at TJ's feet and the mole wakes up and starts running around the house! So TJ and Elizabeth are chasing it around- the whole time trying not to wake me back up! They catch and kill it and for some reason TJ feels the need to come in our bedroom and let me know they got it under control! Great! Thanks babe! Not long after I have another dream where I could have sworn I was being attacked in bed by the mole! So I wake up screaming that the mole is trying to get me and here comes TJ to the rescue. Don't worry folks it was just our cat who thought it would be a good idea to play with my hair at 4 in the morning! Super!

Sometimes I think we live at the circus, not just in the country.

Anyways that pretty much wraps up week 29. That's all I did was Endeavor. I am glad it's over and I never want to do it that pregnant EVER again! :)

Mom volunteered at Endeavor like she does every year. Only this year I just used her as my assistant for the afternoon! I really enjoyed it. She followed me around and held my stuff when I needed her to! :)

My Kaytie moment in week 29:

So my sister used to volunteer each year on Friday for Endeavor. Typically, her and mom would be there around the same time and I really enjoyed having them close, even though I was always running around like crazy. Friday was a hard day. I didn't like that she wasn't there and had to fight tears more times than I can count. It wasn't fair. I wanted her there. She wasn't a stellar volunteer or anything! lol! She just liked to come hang out and eat snacks so she would sign up for an easy shift, except in the first years when she signed up for help with archery and a couple of times to be a shuttle driver. I miss her. Last year during Endeavor she called to tell me she signed us up for the St. Louis half-marathon. Crazy girl! I couldn't say no! I was to busy to process all of that and said okay fine! LOL! I miss her so incredibly much, it hurts.

2013 UCO Endeavor Games-My volunteers of the year!

Week 30- 

A few weeks ago mom and Becky came out to the house and were horrified by the state of the nursery. Since it wasn't a nursery and was still a junk room! So they scheduled June 14 to come help me get it all together, because we were simply running out of time! TJ had spent some time putting all of Anna's furniture together. I was very particular in what I picked out. I tried to get the most complicated furniture with the most parts to make it easy on him! :) Mom and Becky said we had to repaint the room, clean the carpets, then decorate. Okay, what time were they going to get to my house? Help us all this was going to be one long Saturday! All week I had been buying things for her room, new curtains, a chandelier, new paint. Then one day I told TJ where to move everything in the junk room soon to be nursery. It was all to heavy so I took a nap on the couch while he did all the heavy lifting! :) Oh! I forgot to mention in week 29 that I had started experiencing braxton hicks contractions. And guess what? I am one of the lucky people that these types of contractions actually hurt! Like heck! Well in week 30 I felt some real full on contractions! HELLO! What in the heck was that!? Pain. And only a sign of things to come I am afraid. The doctor said as long as there aren't six in an hour, you just have to try and relax. Great. Thanks for that. Let me huddle over here in a corner crying for 10 minutes and get on with my day! 

On to Saturday. I was struggling, because I was a hungry pregnant lady to start the day off. I was told there would be breakfast, but breakfast did not arrive... Anyways, I am cranky. Mom and Becky and I start painting and I am stressed because they have no method! They are all willy nilly all over the place and I have a system! They aren't going with my system! I can't handle this!! We get the room painted and carpets clean and they are finally going to let the pregnant lady eat lunch. Seriously...who is growing this baby we are painting the nursery for! Shouldn't we be looking after her? HMMMM????  We eat lunch and TJ moves in the heavy furniture for us and hangs the curtains, because our eyeballing hanging the curtains was stressing him out! We didn't finish this little project until about 7:30 that night. We were tired and sore, but Anna Lenee's room was fantastic!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! She is such a lucky little girl! I think so anyways!

 Sorry the photos are dark! I need to take some in the daylight!

We had a growth ultrasound this week as well! I was so excited to see our Anna Banana! I didn't realize we were going to get another ultrasound, but I didn't ask questions. So here is our Anna update:

• She has lots of hair on her head!
• She is 3lbs 15 oz
• She is a wiggle worm and wouldn't sit still
• She is facing down and ready to go...minus a few more weeks for growing!
• She has a heartbeat of 139
• She has huge feet and long toes!
• My estimated due date is now August 14 not the 19th! YIKES!
• AND we got a 3d picture of her sticking her tongue out! So she already has attitude...uh oh! 

I can't believe how much I love this baby girl already and she isn't even here yet! We are in trouble people! In trouble! :)

My Kaytie Moment in week 30-

I started seeing a grief counselor this week. I cry a lot. I miss her incredibly, so I am just trying it out to see what it is like. I don't totally get it. I was hoping when I left I would have some huge revelation, but I didn't. We will see though. I'm gonna keep going to see what happens. I think it would be different if I wasn't so used to talking about what happened and my sister. I love talking about Kaytie. I love her. I love what we had and our relationship! We were the best sisters, roommates, and friends. She was my best friend and there is such a hole there now. I am missing a piece of me. I am missing the person who by default had to take your texts or phone calls. The person I could talk into doing silly stuff and vice versa. I am missing the person who would go to the ends of the earth for you just because you were sisters and friends. We gave Anna Kaytie's middle name, Lenee. I had a wall decal made with Anna's name in big letters. Seeing it on the wall was sad and pretty at the same time. Anna has a lovely name and Kaytie was trying to convince me from day 1 that her name needed to be used somehow! She got what she wanted. :) I found myself on Saturday fighting the urge to text her pictures of the nursery. She was so excited about Anna and being an aunt. It was so hard not to text her. I miss her and want her here. :(

You can't replace this girl! :) Not just anybody could convince me to attempt synchronized jumping and pictures!  

Week 31 is going to be my baby shower. I am so very excited about this because my friends have put together a beautiful celebration for Anna! Pray for me, it's going to be one of these moment's in life that is so joyful and so sad knowing someone key is missing from all of the fun.

Until next time,
Leigha Denee