*Also, I didn't read back through this. It was too much to write one time let alone read again. So there will be typos and misspellings. Just ignore them.
Week 21- Kaytie's Bachlorette Weekend!
What a crazy week leading up to leaving for Galveston! I being the wonderful big sister I am, in my eyes only, thought the going to Galveston/running part of the weekend was sufficient enough for a bachlorette party. Well according to my sweet sister this was not enough and she wanted an actual party with games and one where we asked Nick questions and recorded his answer then had her guess. Plus, she wanted to make t-shirts and Run 4 Rex sweat bands for Jodie's dad who passed away the week before. Got it. I have my marching orders and I will pull this off, but not without a little complaining to my mom!
I bought mom and I some shirts that week to try out this bleach pen business. The shirts actually turned out kind of cute! I am glad it worked and I only had one pregnancy related melt down when I messed up moms. My husband calmed me down and I got a new one to start over. Also, the Run 4 Rex sweatbands turned out kind of cute as well. Just call me crafty! Mom had Nick come to her office early that week and grilled him with our questions. She recorded them on her phone and sent them all to me to put in a video form. Alright, with a few last trips to Wal-Mart for decorations and items for the weekend I think we were ready to get this show on the road.
We were up bright and early on Friday morning to head out from Kaytie's house! I rode with Mom and Karen while Kaytie, Jodie, and Laurel were in Kate's car. I am not going to lie, I was stressing this particular morning. We were running behind schedule and the girls wanted to stop for breakfast and I hadn't factored that into our travel time! YIPE! We headed down the road to Ardmore to pick up my Aunt Robin and cousin Brandy. I ended up riding in Kaytie's car and Robin and Bran were in Karen's car. So we are driving and driving and driving. Talking and laughing and carrying on. Kaytie, refused to stop for potty breaks until our next schedule stop which was the Dairy Queen in Hutchins I think. I was on the other side of Dallas. Kaytie is more like me than she would ever admit! :) We had an other group of girls meeting us there, Christina, Kelly, and Kym! We had some yummy bad for you food and ice cream. Kaytie made me order mine really early so we wouldn't be behind time.
Back on the road-more driving, talking, and laughing. We saw a sign for Buccee's and knew we had to stop! It's like this super gas station with nice bathrooms and all kinds of amazing things! We loaded up on more bad for you food items and headed down the road. Somewhere along the way we got stuck in traffic and decided to make a vine and send it to the other cars! Let's just say it involved Kaytie talking her pregnant sister into hopping out of the car and picking some flowers...
More driving, more talking, a little nap somewhere in there and we finally make it to Galveston! Who's idea was it to drive to far to run? Oh that was mine and Kaytie's since you know we had done it before! Goodness! Kaytie was very particular about what was for dinner. She wanted Mexican, but casual and they must have great salsa. I let her pick the place then just called in the reservation.
It was pretty good! You could tell it was homemade salsa because each time they brought out more it tasted a little bit different than the time before. By the time we finished dinner it was later and we were left to find our rental house in the dark! Once we finally figured out the one way streets and how the houses worked we managed to find it and unload. I really thought the house I found was super cute and I think Kaytie liked it too! Some of us went to bed and others stayed up to play cards and chat. I was in the go to bed group. I let the girls know we needed to leave at to go get our packets in the morning so be ready!
The next morning I wake up and get ready to go, hoping the girls would get up and get around. Well 10 rolled around and some of the girls said they wanted to go get coffee. This caused stress for me and Kaytie saw it on my face! I can't handle not going with the plan not when our race packets depend on it! Kaytie leaned over and said "Leigha, calm down, they aren't in our family, they don't know how we work!" I chuckled and said okay, but get them moving! :)
We finally leave, I have no idea what time, but we make it to the convention center. We take tons of pictures. All but 1 of the 14 are doing either the 5K or half which is pretty awesome! The girls are buying headbands and making signs and taking pictures with a crazy dressed up guy. At one point I go to the restroom and cry. I with all my heart want to be doing the half with Kaytie. This is our thing and all because I am pregnant and don't have it in me to do 13.1 I have to do the 5K. So I have my pity party and head back to the group, trying to think of when the two of us could do a redemption half!
Once we have taken about 100 or so pictures we head to lunch, Kaytie's choice! She pulls into Nick's Beach Bar & Kitchen. Surprised? Nope! It was cute the tag line was Get Hooked! So appropriate for the weekend! Lunch was pretty good. Once we were finished the girls headed to the beach and the moms and I headed to Kroger to pick up her cake and a few things for that evening.
We get back to the house and start decorating! Pink and black was our theme and I dipped some strawberries in chocolate to add to our dessert.
Some of the girls help make the decorations even cuter when they get back, before Kaytie gets home. The girls knew we had to leave at 5 to head to dinner. We are walking to an Italian restaurant. You know to carb load before the big race! Dinner was yummy. Now that I am writing all this it seems that we ate lot this weekend! :) Oh one more thing, I took the girls about half a mile out of the way when heading to dinner. I followed the car directions and not the walking directions. So when we got there and I realized the restaurant was just down from our house, I told mom and we laughed, then I hoped no one would notice! Well my sister ratted me out, LOL and the girls knew! Oh well!
We got back to the house to start the bachlorette part of the weekend got started. All the girls brought Kaytie some lingerie and in order for her to get to open the gifts each girl had to write a memory about she and Kaytie. I read the memory out loud and she had to guess who wrote it. It was really fun! We all laughed about all the silly Kaytie stories and it was fun as her big sister to see how all of her friends viewed her! :)
Here are some of the memories that the girls wrote down:
- "Every single time we hang out you make everything funnier- never a dull moment, like when you made it rain on Karisa! Chick-fil-a camp outs, lake trips, girls nights."
- "Fashion show at the Gregory's. Kaytie makes the best emcee."
- "Prank calls on the speaker phone from the dorms!! Quality time after curfew"
- "Web cam with the boys in Bracken. Booo-bie"
Once the gifts were open mom asked Kaytie the questions we asked Nick. Then we played the video!
Here are Kaytie's answers:
1. Rose
2. Dog
3. Bradley Copper
4. Red
5. Clothes on the floor
6. Ring
7. Britney Hit Me Baby One more Time
8. Titanic/Little Mermaid
9. Hawaii
10. 04
11. Sleeping
12. At his house
13. Convertible or Jeep
14. 8 plus once in 3D
15. 3
16. Sweats
17. You said yes
18. Bites his toenails
19. Nice & Funny
20. Nothing
21. He did when she was in Cali
22. Blush and Gold
23. Pillow, Nick, Bible
Here's the video, you'll understand her answers shortly!
Race Day-
We get up in the morning and it’s like any other race day!
Kaytie is super focused ready to get out the door and be on time, the girls are
running around the house going through their gear lists, and mom snapping
pictures! There is always time for pictures! Once we finally get out the door
and find parking we get to the start line. We are all nervous for different
reasons. Some they are prepping for a half, others doing the 5K is a big deal!
We take lots of fun pictures at the start line and the half marathoners go line
up. The gun fires and they are off! We yell bye to Kaytie and the girls, waving
and cheering them on as they pass! Now it’s time for the 5K group to line up! I’m
disappointed that I’m in the 5K line, but at I am gonna enjoy it! I walk the
whole thing with mom and Robin. Speed walk that is. We approach the finish
line, collect our tiara’s and boas and once we cross we get our medals and
champagne! Before we finished the race there we saw mile marker 12 for the half
course. I stopped to take a picture of mom in front of it and texted Kaytie the
picture saying “If mom can do it, you can do it! We love you!”. We find a spot
at the finish line and wait to welcome in the half marathon girls.
Finally, we see Kaytie and Kelly coming towards us! We start
to go crazy cheering them on and Kaytie gives us a smile and a wave! As she
passes I start thinking about the schedule for the rest of the day, then Kelly
comes running screaming that Kaytie has passed out.
Something is not right. I know in my heart. I know it. Mom
and I run back across the finish line to get to her and she is laying on the
ground and the medics are working on her. I start to scream. I know this isn’t
right, I know she is dying or dead. I know. My heart knows, my mind knows, my
body knows. I keep screaming. The event staff is trying to calm me and mom down
and push us back from her, but I refuse to move. I start to pray. I ask God with
all my heart the most honest prayer I have ever prayed to take me instead. Not
her. Lord, take me. Let me switch. Karen is praying over Kaytie and the girls
have gathered as close as they could get and they start praying. I knew as I
was praying for a miracle that this would be a prayer that wouldn’t be
answered.
The ambulane comes to get her. At first they won’t let me
and mom both ride, but I told the driver very directly that the cop said we
could and I wasn’t moving. We get to the ER and they rush her away. I think
they knew, because a case worker came immediately to accompany me, mom, Karen,
and Robin back to a special room.
I start making calls. I call my Dad and tell him Kaytie is
in the ER and we don’t know what is happening yet. Then I call TJ. I fall apart
with him on the phone, because he asks how long she has been down, I don’t want
to tell him, because I know with his paramedic background he would know that
she wasn’t coming back. The next thing I know, the doctor is coming into the
room.. As soon as I see him come in, I start screaming NO! NO! NO! just NO! if
he doesn’t say it then it’s not true. Please don’t say it. How f’d up is this!
This is not our life. This does not happen to us! She is getting married. THIS
IS NOT HAPPENING!! I continue to scream as I am sitting on the floor losing all
control of my body and mind. I finally shut up long enough to be next to my
mom. He tells us that her heart stopped and they were never able to get a pulse
back. I can’t process what he is saying and I start saying over and over I’m
Sorry. I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry. It’s all surreal. The staff at the hospital kept
pestering me about drinking water, reminding me I was pregnant. I didn’t care
in that moment and many moments after that, I didn’t care about me or Anna or anything
else.
I don’t know how I found the strength, but I had to start
calling our family, Mom couldn’t. She tried and couldn’t. Imagine telling the
same horrific story over and over and listening to your family lose it on the
phone over and over. The weight of this task, the absolute horror of reliving
that last hour and half time and time again was shit. I called my dad. Hearing
him scream on the phone in disbelief, I called TJ and I break down again with
him. I want him with me and we are hours and hours apart. I want him to carry
this. I don’t want to be this strong. Do you know what it is like to hear your
husband cry on the phone? A man that you have never seen cry or heard cry in
the 7 years that you have been together. I continue to make calls. As I am
making calls I ask over and over about Kaytie’s friends. The girls. Where are
they? Is someone taking care of them? They just saw their best friend pass away
right in front of their eyes. They need someone. I finally get through the most
key calls and the case worker comes in and says we can see Kaytie when we are
ready. I hate this day and I want it to be over. We are supposed to be on our
way home. Happy and tired. We let them know they can let the girls go first. This
is a nightmare.
I am going to pause for a minute in the story so you all can
realize this is just from my perspective. My mom is having her own experience.
She just lost her baby girl. Kids don’t die before their parents they just don’t.
Karen, Nick’s mom, is having to call and tell Nick and their family that Nick’s
fiancée has passed away. Yes, the one getting married in just a few weeks. She
is gone. All of the other girls, calling and telling their families that they
have just experienced something so traumatic on a fun girls getaway weekend.
There are so many dynamics happening and mine is just one of them.
It’s mine and mom’s turn to be with Kaytie. As we walk
around the corner and into her room and overwhelming since of peace comes into
my heart. I see her and my heart changes. I feel a weight as if something is
there or someone is sitting on my chest. I can feel it. I see Kaytie and I know
it’s not her. She looks just like her, but she isn’t there. I hold on to Mom
and I touch Kaytie’s face, stroke her hair, tell her I love her so much. Tell
her I will miss her. But I am not crying right now. Not like I was. I had a
sense of calm come over me. In that moment I became strong. My weakest moment,
I found the strength that was going to get me through the following weeks, I
just didn’t know it at the time.
We left Kaytie to go check on the girls. There were lots of
hugs and tears. We hadn’t see them for what felt like a lifetime. The chaplain
talked with us all and we prayed. Then a group of women came into where were
all were. Kym jumped up and hugged this woman’s neck and explained that this
group had been praying with the girls at the finish line. The women had come to
the hospital hoping for a better outcome. They were part of a group called
Black Girls Run. They were so kind and sweet. They prayed with us there at the
hospital and let us know if we needed anything to let them know.
I don’t quite remember the order of the next events. So I
apologize if I get them wrong. We needed a plan. Mom wasn’t ready to say her
final goodbye. There were things to be done. We were 8 hours from home and we
were supposed to be out of the house we were renting by now. I called to let
the landlord know what had happened and he said we could stay as long as we
needed to. The girls needed to get on the road to head back to OKC. I asked
them to clean the house when they got back. There was party stuff everywhere.
We had left it all decorated. I couldn’t imagine Mom walking back into that. I
can’t imagine what was happening with them back at that house, the tears, the
confusion, the overwhelming sadness and the daunting 8 hour drive facing them.
I also asked if they would drive Kaytie’s car back. I know I couldn’t do it and
Mom wouldn’t be able to. Karen had her car with her. So they did. They loaded
up and everyone headed back to Oklahoma, except for me, mom, and Karen.
The case worker came and told us mom needed to sign some
papers to release Kaytie’s body for an autopsy. There had been one ordered
since they couldn’t determine what really happened. Before we signed, we went
to see her one last time. We kissed her and loved on her as best week could.
She still looked like her and it would be the last time we saw her looking just
like her. We took our time, but finally mom had to sign the papers and we had
to leave Kaytie. We had to leave her. The magnitude of this was almost more
than anyone could handle. We left the hospital and head to the house.
I had to make more calls, tell more people, and hear them
weep for the first time when they heard the news. We had also been given
instructions on what we needed to do to get Kaytie home. This responsibility
also fell on me.
Thankfully, I didn’t quite do it in the order the hospital
told me and called a funeral home back in Bethany first. They took it all from there.
They worked with the hospital and medical examiner to arrange for her to come
home after the autopsy and then proceeded to help us in the next week a great
deal.
Going to bed that night was awful. We were all so tired, but
going to bed meant we had to wake up without her. It meant we were shutting the
door on the last day we saw her alive and smiling and happy. Mom and I slept in
the bed that Kaytie had slept in the night before. We tried to be as close to
her as possible.
We got up the next morning and I made more calls. We found
out they were going to be doing the autopsy that Monday and the examiner would
call us if they saw anything they thought it might be. It wouldn’t be an
official report, but it would give us an idea.
We slowly pack up all of Kaytie’s things and make our way
out the door. It was hard to leave. This was the last place Kaytie was alive
and happy. We wanted to be home, but yet leaving meant we would be leaving
Kaytie.
The drive home was the longest drive of my life. There was
so much weeping on the way home. It was so dumb to be leaving her in Galveston.
On the drive back the medical examiner called. Kaytie had a heart defect from
what he could tell and there was nothing that could have been done. She was
born with it. The test results would let us know for sure, but he was pretty
positive that is what caused all of this. In a strange way this was some relief.
We had an answer in some ways.
We made it back to Oklahoma and went straight to Nick and Kaytie’s
to talk to Nick. TJ met me there and I just fell into him. I was tired of being
strong. I was ready to have him carry me. We told Nick about how much fun we
had and how happy she was. We eventually all headed to our homes, the next day
we would start the funeral process.
We had several days to plan the funeral since we were
waiting on Kaytie. We met with the funeral home and picked out all of the
details. We found out we could see her on Thursday so we had to decide what we
wanted her to wear. We all agreed on her wedding dress. It hadn’t been picked
up from the tailors yet so we had to go get it. I wrote her obituary, we picked
out the programs for her celebration of life, we looked through thousands of
pictures, created slideshows and planned every last detail. When we finally saw
her it was shocking. She didn’t look like herself. My mom was so upset,
everyone was. So I called the lady who did my hair for my wedding and asked her
to do something so outside of what she was used to. I asked her to meet me
early Friday morning and do Kaytie’s hair and make up, before anyone else saw
her. Stephanie agreed and I truly believe she was doing God’s work that day.
TJ, took me to the funeral home where I met Christine and Lauren. They are
friends we have had since we were very little. Stephanie met us there and she
worked a miracle. Kaytie looked so much better when she was finished. She looked
pretty and looked more like a bride in her dress. Now she was ready for
visitors.
The family visitation was Saturday night. We had so many
people come by the funeral home from all times in our life. Our church family
from when we were young, elementary, middle, and high school teachers and
friends, family all the way from Houston, people were everywhere. Talking and
loving on us and remembering Kaytie.
It was finally the day for the funeral. There were so many
other things that happened in that week. So many, but those details aren’t
really for here. It was a beautiful service. The stage was beautiful with all
of the flowers, the program was great, and there were nearly 500 people there. I
chose to say something about Kaytie and this is what I wrote:
My dear sweet Kaytie, what am I going to do without you?
Twenty-seven years
ago I was blessed with a baby sister. I had been my parents whole world and now
this new tiny baby was ruining it. I asked them to take her back to the
hospital and luckily for everyone they ignored my pleas.
Kaytie Lenee, you were my person. You were going to take
care of Anna if something ever happened to me and TJ, you were the person I
sent prayer requests to when I needed serious prayer, we were going to do Run
Disney and take our families while the Dad’s held signs and strollers that said
“Go Mom Go!”, you were going to babysit my babies and your babies during the
work day, we were going to go see Britney Spears together in Las Vegas, we were
going to run a handful of Rock N Roll halfs in one year just so we could get
the extra medals, you were the person who would do goofy things with me when no
one else would.
Every day, I remember a new life plan we had made that will now
never be. There is nothing in this world we wouldn’t do for each other. We
would exhaust ourselves and go above and beyond just to make the other one
happy. Don’t get me wrong, we might gripe and complain to mom about it, but we
would do it.
Kaytie, we had the best time growing up together! We always
wanted our own rooms growing up, but thankfully that never happened. We would
play with Barbie’s in the dream house
grandpa Frank had built for us, we took all of the cards out of the clue
game and made our room into a hotel and you could only check in if you were on
the “list” (the characters in clue being the list), we played doctor to many of
our stuffed animals, pretended to be Aladdin and Jasmin and sing a Whole New
World while floating on a magic carpet with the lights out and glow in the dark
stars all around (for some reason she always made me be the boy…). We would
shut our door, turn up the music, and do interpretive dance in the air as we
jumped off our dressers on to the floor!
Every inch of our room was covered
with Titanic and then Backstreet Boys. Our room was where we shared secrets
only sisters tell, where we fell asleep listening to Garth Brooks on tape, where
we made up songs and commercials, where the occasional hamster would get lost,
cat would catch on fire, or freaky furby would come alive under our bed, and where
our Mom would come and sing to us at night. So much of our lives were spent in
that room laughing, crying, fussing, and fighting.
My sweet Kaytie, I will never be able to describe the love and
the connection that we had, to others. It was special, something God blessed us
with all those years ago. Something that allowed us to love each other fully,
be the truest of friends, and when we would upset with each other we could
simply say what we wanted and hug it out.
Kaytie, you were a part of my every day. Between phone
calls, emails, texts, rarely a day went by when didn’t in some way communicate
with each other. We were on the brink of new life adventures together and the
thought of taking steps without you, doing things without you, taking pictures
without you in them is more than I can bare.
But, Kaytie, you have blessed me already with something so
special. The day you passed away I was with you, and I saw you smiling doing
something that you and I loved to do, getting ready for the next chapters in
our lives and through all of the extreme sorrow that that day ended up having,
you, my sweet Kaytie Lenee, brought peace to my heart. I knew through all of
the tears, yelling, and sadness you were in my heart. It had changed. You were
in it and I felt you and still feel you and I thank the Lord every day for that
peace and that feeling of having you with me. I can’t be angry Kaytie, my heart
won’t let me.
If any of you even only knew Kaytie and I together for one
minute, you know that we had a ridiculous obsession with Titanic. We saw it in
the movie theater 8 times! Plus once more when it came out in 3D! We would
quote lines from the movie in our general conversations with each other, we
studied the historical Titanic, recorded every documentary on VHS that we could
find, and fell in love with Leo DiCaprio. We even took the time to make up new
words to Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. You know, because we could write it
better…
At the end of Titanic Rose dies and the camera pans over to
all of these pictures of a full life she led. She “never let go” and did all of
the things her and Jack had talked about and more. Kaytie and I had a lifetime
of plans together and I won’t ever let go of her. I will do Run Disney with my family, I will do
three Rock N Roll halfs in a year, just so I can get the extra medals, I will
go see Britney Spears in Las Vegas-even if I am 50 and Britney has had a hip
replacement, every mile I run/walk and every adventure this life takes me on
will be for Kaytie, and one day I will find the courage to take pictures again
and smile with all the happiness that I once knew.
It’s funny, how a movie that two young kids (and grown
adults) loved so much could have such a different meaning now. And one day,
Kaytie Lenee when I see you in Heaven and get to hold you and be with you, if
you want to welcome me at the top of the Grand Staircase in Titanic like Jack did for Rose, I’d be okay with that.
I only have a few more words and they are this. I love you
Kaytie Lenee and you are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on.
Cue Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On. I didn't tell the family I was doing this. And I kind of chuckle to myself now when I think about it. I think Kaytie would have thought it was funny and way over the top dramatic, but I didn't care. It was our thing and I love her and would do anything for her. This song was perfect for us! :)
There are pictures from the service. I may add them someday, but I haven't wanted to look at them. There was a beautiful balloon release at the graveside. Her friends set this up for her. It was very sweet and so pretty. The balloons made a heart when they were let go.
The mess of life continued into the next week. We had the horrific reality that Kaytie was gone to face plus their wedding date was just a week away now. What were we going to do.
A running club in the Houston area put together a memorial run for Kaytie. Many of the ladies in the club were at the race and saw everything that happened. This struck them deeply so they decided to do a run to honor her. The plan was to do it May 3rd in the morning and do 5 miles since that was the time the wedding was going to start. Dad and I flew down to Houston so we could be there. We met up with Janice, one of the Joiner cousins, and with Dawn, the lady who organized the whole thing. It was turning into a bigger deal than anyone had ever imagined. That Saturday we had probably 100 people show up to run/walk the 5 miles for Kaytie. Plus, people all over the US and the world logged miles for Kaytie on that day. It was so beautiful and amazing. Everyone was so kind and loving towards us, even though they didn't know us or Kaytie before now.
We flew back home in time to meet at the church where Nick and Kaytie would have been married that evening. A select group of friends and family met there for prayer and reflection. Then we went to Becky's house for dinner. We had the budnt cake that Kaytie had picked out for the wedding on the specials cakes stands that she found at an antique shop.
This is the end of this particular blog. I left so much out, but I can't imagine writing anymore. There will one more chronically the few weeks after this. My birthday, mother's day, etc. If you made it this far and read the whole thing, thank you. You didn't have to.
Please know this. I will be forever grateful that I was lucky enough to be with Kaytie her last few days and then be there at the hospital to see her one last night. Those moments are mine and no one can ever take them from me. I love her and will always love her.
Until next time,
Leigha
