Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Adventures of Anna Banana-Month Two

Anna Lenee is two months old! She has survived her parents another month! The best description for month two... "Just when you think you have this having a baby thing down...BAM! Trip to the ER!"



For more than two weeks of month two TJ was in Colorado, so this left me and Anna to make it work by ourselves with Mimi's help in the evening. So let me take this moment to stand and applaud single parents all over the world! You are amazing! In fact anyone who has spent 12 hours in a day alone with a baby, you too are a hero! That is tough work! Once we got through the first few days of non-stop crying we got into our routine. Wake up while Mimi was still here, pump, feed Anna, get Anna dressed, photo shoot with Mimi, take a quick shower, cry when Mimi left, try and get Anna to take a nap, pump, Anna wakes up, feed Anna, change Anna, play with Anna, put Anna down for a nap, pump, attempt to each lunch (and be thankful she won't remember the insides of my sandwich falling all over her while she slept!), Anna wakes up, feed Anna, change Anna, play with Anna, put Anna down for a nap, pump, start to get anxious and really want Mimi to get home, Anna wakes up, feed Anna, change Anna, Anna starts to cry for awhile, around 8ish Mimi gets home and I am standing at the door to pass off a fussy baby, let Mimi manage Anna while mommy picks up the house and washes bottles, give Anna a bath, get Anna ready for bed, finally get a moment of quiet, pump, sit alone in the quiet for a moment, go to bed...ish. That's exhausting!


Derice came to meet Anna for the first time!

Uncle Tim came to see his sweet baby niece!



Papa Bart brought over a fun craft for Anna to do!


So while TJ was gone, we perfected our routine so it would be in place by the time he got back! We had just been willy nilly all over the place before that!

The first Saturday TJ was gone Mom and I got back on track with Weight Watchers! I was very excited about this! It felt good to do something that the old Leigha did. Now we were late because getting a baby ready to go out the door is difficult, but I got there and weighed in! YAY!

Oh you thought I was napping...yeah...I don't like to sleep!

I have to wear bibs because I am a messy eater!




The following week was my 6 week check up. I can't remember if I had written about this previously, but I was high risk for Post Postpartum Depression due the loss of Kaytie. The day Anna was born my doctor started me on an anti-depressant. Within a week I started to feel so much better than I had felt in months. It was so strange and such a noticeable difference.  As the weeks wore on though I had a few days where it was extremely difficult for me to take care of Anna and I would cry and cry. The weight of Kaytie and Anna was overwhelming. When I talked to my doctor about this at my check up she increased my dosage. Honestly, the thought of what PPD would have been like had my doctor not been proactive is kind of scary. Finally, at the end of my appointment my doctor said "Okay, let's talk about your weight." Yes, I know I gained way too much and I need to lose it. She said I need to lose about 44lbs to be at pre-pregnancy weight. I really need to lose more than that, but that will be my first goal. So each month I'll put in a little progress report.


  • Total amount to lose: 44 lbs
  • Total lost this month: 7.8 lbs
  • Total left to lose: 36.2 lbs

The only thing I can't figure out how to balance yet is getting back to running. I need to get on the treadmill or something and I think I would feel even better if I could get to working out again. So we will see if I can figure it out by the end of month three. 

I ran up to the office on a Saturday and Anna came with me! :)

See she could come to work with me! We would get a lot done!

Cousins Everly and Anna using Facetime!

Speaking of weight loss and all that! My body is WEIRD! Now I was a big girl at one point and I lost a ton of weight, so I know what it is to be overweight and what my body was like. Well, let me tell you something, this kind of after baby fat went to weird places! It doesn't make sense. I don't weigh as much as I did when I lost my initial weight, but I am in the same size clothes at the moment. I have this weird pooch! What the heck! It make my pants fit weird, that and my butt is as wide as the continental United States! So I have a lot of work to do! I want to get back to my body like it was in Ireland. That is gonna take probably a year if I work REALLY REALLY hard and run about 500 miles! Anyways, short term goal is to do the Edmond Turkey Trot, but do it with Anna in the stroller if she is up for it! Baby steps! :)

Aunt Kim got her this outfit!

This is what I call...Angry Elf!


Mimi and Anna

Renee got to meet Anna finally! :)



Mom and I have realized how much fun it is to buy Anna clothes! One Saturday we hit up several garage sales in Edmond. Baby clothes barely get worn and they need another good home! Mine! So we would scope out a sale and then take turns getting out while one of sat in the car with Anna. It was so fun! We got SO many cute items! This baby has so many outfits! I LOVE IT! It is so fun to dress her up and make her look cute! Having a girl is so fun!

So here I am thinking I have got this whole baby thing down. I am feeling rather confident in my abilities. I got this. HA!




Why are you taking my picture...


Mom got me a Wubanub!

Daddy is coming home! So I am dressed in Camo!



TJ got home on a Thursday night and on Friday morning I was showing him the temporal thermometer I got for Anna. It kept reading 99-100, I thought maybe she was just hot since she had just come up from a nap. We were about to leave the house and I tested it one more time and it said 98 something. Well, we went on about our day and met up with Mimi at one point to do some more clothes shopping. TJ had to go up to the VA hospital to get a new prescription and that was going to take awhile, so after Anna and I are done running around we head back to the house. We get home and I get us settled in at the house, make a bottle, change a diaper, and I notice she is still very warm. So I start taking her temp again. It's continually reading 99-100 over an over. I call the on call for our pediatrician, which is actually a nurse at Children's Hospital. I leave a message and she calls me back and says we need to take her temp rectally to get a good reading. I told her I would have to find everything (KY and the thermometer). She said okay and she would call back in an hour. So I take her temp and it climbs to 102. I am shocked. I take it again and again, then take my to see if it is working (not rectally, just under my arm don't worry!) it said 97.7. I get scared and call Children's back and tell them I need to speak with the nurse immediately! She calls me back and says a baby this young needs to go directly to the emergency room if i their temp is 100.4 or higher. 

Okay. I grab a few little nightgowns, diapers, the last of the clean bottles and some formula and I take off to Children's Emergency Room. I call TJ, my mom, and dad and get to the hospital about 9 pm. I fill out an Ebola questionnaire and get her checked in. There were so many kids in the ER, but it wasn't a scary place. Anna and I hung out until about 10 when they called our name. They took her temp and vitals and sent us back up to the waiting room. Then a nurse came and took us to an ER room.  We see one of the ER doctors and he starts to go through all the tests they need to run. By this time TJ and my mom were with us. He explains that in a baby this young a fever this high requires them to be extra cautious. They want to run a series of tests to find out what is causing this since babies can't tell us what is wrong. This led to a nose swab, a catheter, a blood sample, an IV, and something called an LP-like a baby spinal tap. In babies so young they can't contain an infection to one area and it could spread throughout their whole bodies. We could have refused any of these tests, but I wanted to be safe rather than sorry. The nurses were amazing. They got her little IV in with no problem on the first try. While they were doing all of the other little tests on her they gave us something called baby crack. I know that's not what it is really called, but whatever! We dipped her paci in it and it was sweet and would calm her down while they worked on her. When it came time to do the LP mom and I left the room and TJ stayed with her. Once they were done, we came back in and waited for some results. Once the IV was in they gave her some tylenol to get her fever to come down and started a drip to keep her hydrated. Finally, the doctor came back and said her urine tested positive for a UTI and they would have to wait and see what the other tests said, but it could be 24 hours. They told us going into this if it was a UTI we would have to stay overnight. We got admitted to the hospital and into our room about 3 am. At this point we needed some things from home. I need some clothes. I hadn't pumped in HOURS and the whole front of my shirt was covered in milk. Anna needed some more bottles and formula. They had given us some, but it wasn't her kind and she didn't like it. There was a whole list of things. TJ headed home about 4 am and Mom and I stayed with Anna. They brought in some antibiotics to cover more than just the UTI since we didn't have the test results back yet. My sweet baby girl was had cords coming off of her foot, her tummy, and had an IV. It was hard to hold her and not be afraid I was pulling something that would hurt her. 




The next day was filled with nurses checking on Anna, weighing her diapers, and tracking how much she ate. The doctor ordered an ultrasound of her kidney's to make sure they looked okay. Since it is unusual for baby girls this small to have a UTI. The ultrasound was a blessing. Kaytie had double ureters and in her case if this defect had been found it would have led doctors to look at Kaytie's heart for any defects then they could have fixed her heart. Well, we were all worried about Anna, because we didn't want her to have a heart defect. So we explained to the doctor about Kaytie and said they would look for the double ureters during the ultrasound. The ultrasound came back clear. She doesn't have double ureters. So for us we can reason that she doesn't have the heart defect Kaytie did.




She also had a cold! The nurses had to gown and glove to be around her! :(


The nurse said I could get in the bed with Anna if I wanted. I was scared at first but by Saturday night I wanted to snuggle with her so I laid on the opposite side all the cords. As I laid there I told Anna that when we have baby 2 mommy is going to be a pro at this and will know what the signs are when baby 2 is sick! I started to wonder if they offered parenting classes for after the baby was born...

Free from the cords!

Going home!


We got to go home on Sunday with antibiotics. All her other tests came back fine, we just had to follow up with her doctor. Anna cried nearly all the rest of the day Sunday and through the night. When we woke up Monday morning, I called the doctor because I was worried. They got us in that afternoon. She was fine other than the fact that the antibiotic was upsetting her stomach and we had to switch to soy while she was on her medicine. We spent the rest of the week getting back to our routine. 

On Thursday, Kim came to visit from Washington! It was her first time meet Anna and I was so excited to see her and have her stay with us! I have been so lonely. I have been really missing Kaytie and talking to her and I have missed seeing Kim nearly everyday since she moved to Washington. It was so nice to have girl talk and catch up without being on the phone. Alex and Anna skyped while Kim was here and Alex was so cute! He kept pointing at Anna on the screen! :) Sunday night we went out for a Mom's night out with Kristen. I hadn't had a meal without Anna around in two months! It was glorious! I really enjoyed her visit! I need to find a time when I can hop on a plane and head to Washington to visit. I may just need to add a new budget line for airfare!

Anna loves her Aunt Kim!



To round out the trauma of month two were the dreaded shots! Except after the hospital experience, the shots were a piece of cake! I may be a bad mommy for saying this, but I kind of liked shot day. Anna was so sleepy and cuddly afterwards I took advantage of the situation! :) As we were leaving the nurse mentioned that she thinks Anna is going to be a drama queen! I guess her screams were a little over exaggerated! LOL! 


Daddy got her calm after the shots!


I go back to work in a few weeks and I feel panicked. I love spending my days with my baby. The thought of leaving her breaks my heart. I know I have to go back to work. We need my paycheck, but I don't want to leave her. I know moms do this every day, but how? Do you just cry and put your make up on at work? Also, I need to find someone to help care for her. I need someone three days a week at least. TJ can help with the other two. Ideally, I would like for her to be in someone's home who can love on her, but I am also calling daycares in the area. If you have any recommendations send them my way. I could use any help! If this person lived in Edmond and wouldn't mind me visiting on my lunch hour that would be great too! :)

Lesson's Learned/Anna's Stats:

  • Anna is in the 50th percentile in height and 37th percentile in weight. The doctor said she was average and that was great!
  • She weighs 10 lbs 14 oz. 
  • She is smiling more every day!
  • She loves to kick her legs and play on the play mat!
  • She has started to drool and make bubbles!
  • She HATES to go to sleep! She will shut her eyes then scream really loud to wake herself up. It's awesome. 
  • She loves bath time wrapped in her blanket! We turn the lights down in the kitchen and really give her the spa treatment! 
  • She sleeps a 3.5 hour stretch, but then wakes up every two to three hours after that until morning. Ugh.
  • She pees A LOT! And she hates being wet! She screams to let you know she is wet.
  • She has taught me the meaning of the term blowout! Oh. My. Gosh. Twice she has woken up from nap and her diaper is full, her blankets have poop on them, her clothes have poop on them and she is soaking wet. I proceed to carry her at arms length to the nearest bathtub and hose her down! EW!!! EWWWWWW!!!!
  • I don't really get to watch TV anymore. I spend most of the day with the volume so low I have to really concentrate to hear what they are saying. If it's too loud she gets over stimulated and is super fussy!
  • I got up enough courage to trim her nails! It was a success and I have done it several times now! YAY!
  • She is a mama's girl! :)
  • Bedtime is a battle of will! I will eventually win! Right?
  • She has discovered her fingers and likes to put them in her mouth!
What? You don't take a bath in a blanket? That's just silly!


Playtime!

Tummy Time!

Will I ever sleep through the night again...


I love being Anna's mommy! She is so funny and opinionated! She wants what she wants when she wants it! Someday's I love it more than others. Someday's I want to hide in a quiet place for a little bit. It's a lot to go from thinking only of yourself for all those years to having a little someone be so dependent on you. How do you find balance? If you have it figured out please pass along your secrets! Thanks! :)







Coming next month... Anna's visit to the Pumpkin Patch, Anna's first road trip, and Anna's first Halloween! Oh you know you're excited! :)

~Leigha Denee (Anna's Mommy)




I have another blog where I will write about Kaytie and how I am trying to cope. You can read the first part of Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope~Chapter One if you would like.

Heartbreak, Healing, & Hope~Chapter One

I can't bring myself to write directly about the loss of Kaytie and how I am coping in Anna's blog. I want to keep Anna's blog upbeat and truly about the adventures of me and Anna. My pregnancy with her took a sad turn. So much of my life became about my grief and sorrow and I feel like a did an injustice to Anna. I wasn't able to focus on her the last 4 months of my pregnancy. So her blog is for her. Here, in this place, I will put down my thoughts and emotions about the tragic turn my life took in 2014. I hope over time writing will help me heal.

Six months ago, I lost my best friend and only sister. If you are lucky enough to have a sister and have a close relationship with them, you know that it is a one of a kind experience. The love sisters have for each other is incredible. You have someone in your life that most likely knows everything about you, knows your secrets, and funny moments, is the person you call when you are super happy or really sad. A sister is like a special gift that promises you won't ever be alone. You will always have your sister.


These past two months since Anna has been born have been tough. We gave Anna Lenee Kaytie's middle name. During the first month it took some getting used to saying Anna's name over and over. Mom would sing us songs when we were babies with our names in them. While she was staying with us I relearned them. So each night I would sing songs to Anna Lenee. Saying Lenee over and over and knowing why that was her middle name resulted in several nights of tears while getting Anna ready for bed.

The first time I had to take Anna over to Nick and Kaytie's I cried nearly all the way. I should be taking Anna to visit her Aunt Kaytie, but Kaytie wasn't there. Sometimes when Anna is really crying we go and sit in her room in the dark and rock and I imagine Kaytie there with us. I wonder if she can see us or hug us. I cry silently while Anna cries.

We have a big picture of Kaytie in Anna's room. Sometimes while I am sitting in the rocker I catch Anna staring at it. I like to think she recognizes Kaytie, since I believe Kaytie watched over while she was in my tummy and still does.

The loneliness that I have been feeling has been incredibly heavy. I miss her. I need to talk to her. I would tell her crazy things about my body and healing and what it was like to have a baby. I want to tell her about having sex for the first time after. Things that you wouldn't talk to anybody else about. I want to be a bossy big sister and tell her everything she needs to know when she has a baby and gets pregnant. I just want to talk. I know I have people in my life. I have TJ and my mom to talk to but it's not like talking to your sister. Your sister is required to hang out with you and listen to you by default. The rest of the world has no obligation to you. I am lonely. I am missing a piece.

This sounds silly, but I am struggling changing my profile picture. It is one of the last pictures with Kaytie and I will never take another one with her. That reality is tough.

The holidays are approaching fast and we are facing the reality of balancing our sadness of missing Kaytie and our joy of celebrating with Anna. I want to believe in the power of the happiness that Anna has brought us. My whole family has laughed and smiled and loved more in the last two months then we had in the months before Anna's arrival. She is our miracle and has brought into our lives and amazing hope and joy.


The Sunday before Anna was born I needed to finish one of my pregnancy blogs. The one from that weekend that Kaytie passed away. I needed to get all of that out of my head so I could stop reliving it. I needed to store that memory somewhere and release the hold it had on me. I couldn't start being a mommy if I still carried this. So I sat at my computer and I sobbed as I recounted those moments. I posted it to my blog, but didn't post it on Facebook. If you would like to you can click here to read it. I don't know if I will ever open that particular post back up, but it's there.


The next couple of month will be tough, but really, what month isn't?

Pray for healing,
Leigha Denee