The truth about my 100lb weight loss!

I am almost there! I have only 21 pounds to go before I reach my lifetime goal at Weight Watchers! I have officially lost 100lbs on the Weight Watchers program and this great achievement is one that is filled with mixed emotions. I am excited to have lost that much weight, but at the same time sad that there was ever a need for me to .

I have been thinking about this blog post for a long time. I keep going over in my head how far I have come and where I will go. I feel like I need to just lay it all out there. So here are the facts:

• Starting weight was 270lbs when I signed up for WW online and 267 when I attended my first meeting. 
• In the weeks before I joined WW I was busting out of my clothes. I didn't want to face the music and go buy clothes that actually fit. I didn't want to admit I was that big.
• My pants were a size 20-22 and my tops were a XXL. 
• We have never lived in a house with a fancy tub, just your standard bath tub shower combo. When I would take a bath my thighs would touch the sides of the tub. I would squish in there. 
• I turned to food when I was stressed and that was okay because I was the fat girl and that is how I coped. 
• TJ used to talk about us climbing Petit Jean in Arkansas and I couldn't even walk around the UCO campus without getting winded, so I manged to avoid ever going. 
• When I did the Weight Watchers 5K in May of 2011, I was winded and angry that the distance was farther than 3.1 miles. My body hurt and I only walked it. 
• I became worried I wouldn't be able to get pregnant someday. 
• I weighed more than all the women on this season of the Biggest Loser expect for one.
• I weighed 80lbs more than my husband. 
• I worked in sports and looked like I had never spent a day in the gym.

100 lbs ago I was a different person. There were limitations on my life. I couldn't do anything and everything that popped into my mind.

I sometimes wonder what my friends and family thought of me. No one ever mentioned my weight. I know they saw it. Maybe people are really so focused on themselves and their situations that they don't pay as much attention to other people as we might feel like internally. My mom said you don't see the people you love and care about with just your eyes. You see them with your heart and feelings. I think she is right. So many people don't remember me looking like that girl in the picture above. I do though. 

I have been watching the Biggest Loser this season. This is the first time I have watched it in years. Who wants to see people who weigh less than you lose extreme amounts of weight? That show is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, right? I mean you can always say, at least I don't weigh as much as those fat people. You're not supposed to think to yourself...maybe I should apply for that show. I know that the way these people lose weight is not normal and it is unrealistic, but I really get it now. I get why these people are crying and struggling. I can relate. I have been there. I understand that there is usually something more going on than just overeating. For most of the people who are overweight it's not black and white. You can't just quit eating one day and ta da you magically have the answer to losing weight. I need the support of the meetings. I need the parameters of the Points Plus system. I need to have limitations and controls put on my food. I can't do it by myself. 

So here are some present day facts about myself:

• Current weight is 166 and my goal weight is 145. 
• I went from an18 to a 10 pant size in 2012 and an XL to a Medium (depending on the clothes) in a top. 
• I am training for a half marathon!!!! I have run HUNDREDS of miles in the last year. I am slow, but I don't care. I just keep running. 
• I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro before I am 40. It is the highest "walkable" mountain. I don't want to do a technical climb or anything so this one would be perfect and you can take guides and all that jazz. Now I just need $10,000! LOL! (even thinking I could do this is a miracle)
• I learned there are no quick fixes. I have been doing Weight Watchers without stopping for over 2 years. There are no overnight miracles. You have to be your own miracle. You have to believe in yourself and dig down deep and find out what you are really made of. 
• I was never skinny growing up. This is the lightest I have ever been, so I had no clue what this Leigha would look like. No one has ever seen her before. You know when you get your drivers license for the first time and they put your current weight on there? Mine said 185 and that was low balling it then.
• I am much more confident and truly believe in myself and my capabilities. 
• My friends call me Jillian Micheals. Apparently, I can be a little bit bitchy when it comes to them tracking their food and working out! :)
• I finally look like I belong in my field of work.  If I am going to be in sports I might as well look like I at least played some kind of sport .
• I work out in some form or another 4-6 times a week. I love a good dance session on the Kinect! :)
• I can feel my tailbone when I sit down. Why you ask is this important? When I was 8 or 9 I was playing at my Mema's house. She had a cellar and the door to it looked like a slide. So one day when no one was around I decided to flop my butt down on it and slide. Well I flopped my butt down so hard on the handle of the cellar that I am pretty sure I broke my tailbone. I rolled around in the grass in pain for a while before I hobbled into the house. I couldn't sit normally for a long time!! I never told my parents and they obviously were too concerned with my other siblings to notice me sitting funny! All these years later it's still broken! :)

I refuse to forget how far I have come, what I looked like before, and how I felt. I know what it is like to be the fat girl working out at the gym. You think people are looking at you and judging. You get frustrated when you see those skinny people running around like it's easy to workout and you are hanging on for dear life trying not to die. Now when I see people working out at the Wellness Center who are about my former size I want to go up to them and say, "Don't give up. I used to look like this (show them a picture) and now I am training for a half marathon. You can do it. Don't stop. Be strong. And ignore those skinny girls working out with their perfect make up. They aren't looking at you like you think they are." However, if current Leigha had come up and said that to fat Leigha, I probably would have smiled, said thanks, and called her a bitch under my breath! LOL! 

I still look in the mirror some days and see the 270lb me. I struggle. There are days that I walk down the hall and see my reflection and see that bigger girl, but then on other days I walk around and catch my reflection and wonder if that is actually me. It is hard to get used to how I look. I will see myself in pictures and wonder if that is really me.

This moment in my life is emotional. For the first time in this weight loss journey I have broken down and cried. I didn't care what I ate and how much I was destroying my body. I didn't care about myself and my future enough to make a change. I couldn't walk let alone jog/run. I couldn't dream about activities that involved me being overly active. I had a complete disregard for me. I cared for and loved everyone and everything else but me. It's okay to be selfish, it's okay to take care of you.

My half marathon is March 24. The last stretch of that race I will play the song Hall of Fame over and over until I cross that finish line. This song is me right now. I am my own champion. I have won my own personal gold. I refuse to let the world and circumstances dictate to me my health and well being. I can do anything and will do anything. Listen to the words. The world may not know my name, but I can promise you there are some people who will and if my journey can inspire them to take that first step in taking back control then I feel I am doing a small part to change the world.

No one really knows the demons someone struggles with personally. Not everyone will be able to relate to my story. Some people will probably be negative and say I shouldn't have done this to myself in the first place, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I believe in myself and the power of one person. I believe if we dig down deep and be kind to each other we can change the world. I believe that whatever you are struggling with it's not over until it's over and you can overcome. Life is too short. Live it and love it. Whatever it is holding you back; weight, alcohol, drugs, debt, etc. take your life back. I took my life back. I will not let food be my crutch for life's circumstances. Instead I will get on the treadmill or go for a run and come back ready to figure out whatever problem I may be facing. I am in control of my actions. 

I want to say a big Thank You! to all of those that have been encouragers through this life change. I was lucky in that I didn't have to do this alone. I have been very open about my weight loss and my friends and family have been there the whole way. Many of them have even joined Weight Watchers. 

I still have a little ways to go and I will reach my lifetime goal before June of this year. Then I will see what is next! I will have spent 2 and a half years focused on getting healthy, I wonder what I will put all my energy into next... :)

Until next time,
Leigha Dene'e